People are social creatures, we care what others think and find enjoyment in gathering with others. D&D exemplifies this at the most basic level. Gathering together with a small group of people, and spending hours of roleplaying together is always a blast. But some people have trouble finding the right group or recognizing the warning signs of bad players. But there is a method of avoiding RPG horror stories. So strap in and get ready for a short psychology lesson.
Horror Stories
If you have ever browsed r/rpghorrorstories then you should be semi-familiar with warning signs. For those who haven’t it’s a simple subreddit that documents horror stories, usually D&D or Pathfinder related. The insane people are usually marked with a penchant for forcing extreme situations on other people. This can be anything from murder to rape. But the arrogance of the players or DM’s in question is always amazing to read. I would suggest browsing the subreddit to get an idea of warning signs.
Personal Horror Story
I had a player who joined the group partway through the campaign. They seemed ok at first, just a little needy. But during the actual playtime if their character wasn’t the center of attention then they weren’t interested. They constantly tried to change the story and bring it back to them. For example, their female character just randomly flashing people. At first, I thought it was just them getting used to the game, but constant out of game chatter went along the same lines. Eventually, they left the group on their own. Right before I was about to kick them out. But the damage was done, the campaign was derailed and we decided to start a new one.
I don’t regret starting a new campaign. But I learned a lot about dealing with people from this encounter. I know what to look for and some warning signs. I also recognize that I needed to communicate with people better.
Treat them like Adults
I have had issues with other players that form my core group. From simple things like joining and ignoring people who speak, to showing up late, to being argumentative. All of these issues were solved by me talking to them. Don’t be afraid to talk, it fixes so many problems. Treating the other party like an adult is an easy way to show you respect them. This may sound simple, but some people don’t do this and just kick people out or let things carry on like normal. It’s how I was at first so I get that mentality. If I had treated the problem player this way it may have avoided issues. I hate confrontation, don’t be like me.
The Ones That Get Away
Player’s will sometimes promise to show up, or actually show up for a few sessions then never come back. Don’t chase these people. As long as they know they are welcome at your table then there is no issue. I’ve had four players like this, two are still my close friends. They just didn’t want to play D&D anymore, or just personal things came up. I never chased these people, and you shouldn’t either. D&D is not for everyone. Let people make their own decisions and support them, don’t end friendships over it. Be a better person.
Player Retention
I have a group of six players. I don’t see any of them leaving anytime soon. Of those players, two are what you’d consider “Audience Members”. I hate the term but it works really well. They are there and semi invested, but are more their for spending time with us. The rest are engaged greatly with the story and are amazing players. In my current campaign alone there have been entire sections of them roleplaying in character with each other, for long periods of time with me just listening.
What I do to retain these wonderful players is simple. I ask them about their week and weekend when we meet, every Monday and Friday. I listen, respond, and remember, to make sure to know they know I care. We usually spend a half hour joking and talking before a session because of this. It’s a simple thing but this has become a ritual of mine lately. So just listen and care about your players, and they’ll become your friends. Once that happens you can begin to avoid making any RPG horror stories.
Running for Strangers
My group started out with me, and four people, only one of which still plays with me now. I can’t believe his patience sometimes. I started with strangers and one acquaintance. I worked through it by being kind, accepting, and applying the methods above. Most D&D groups will start naturally hanging out more over time, and this happened with my group. It’s accurate to say all of us are great friends, who know each other fairly well. They have been with me through tough times, and vice versa. To run for strangers, just treat them like a friend. The true troublemakers will show themselves, and just keep an eye out for red flags.
Player Perspective
If you are a player then it’s simple. if you find yourself in a horror story stop meeting with the group or leave the online game. Do it politely and keep friendships intact. If you are not having fun don’t force yourself to play. That can leave a bad impression on you mentally, and make it so you don’t enjoy D&D anymore.
Awkward social situations exist in person if you handle things like this wrong. Just do your best to communicate your feelings, don’t be a jerk, and everything should be fine. If people are petty enough to hold it against you then that’s their issue, not yours.
The Feeling of Accomplishment.
This entire guide is from the viewpoint of a DM. A forever DM in essence. I like it that way, I have been a player before and mildly enjoyed it. But that feeling of uniting a group of people under a common banner and watch them grow as friends and people are amazing. This is why I recommend anyone who is interested to try any RPG not just D&D. Avoiding RPG horror stories should be a bit easier now. So go out there and enjoy yourselves during this time of quarantine, it’s never been easier to get into RPGs!
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